I want to know Christ ...

...and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11).

I am glad that the word “somehow” was included in that verse. It showed that the author, Paul, didn't have everything figured out although he sought to know and share in the life of Christ. Yesterdays book of the Bible was Philippians. I, yes this is a confession, Ms. Seminary grad and what not, have never read the entire Bible. I've read a good deal of it, but some books (Leviticus anyone) just seem quite stale. However, I have learned not to give up on any book of the Bible, I remember when I first really sat down with Hosea and came to know a beautiful, longing part of the heart of God. So I am giving it a go, reading at least one book a day. Now, I can see some of you Bible scholars out there sucking in your breath, shaking your head at my rampant approach to the Scripture. But I want to test reading them out as whole books, as whole chapters, as a story, letting God speak to me as he will. Will I pull off reading the whole Bible before I get back? Not sure, but I am believing that His word will indeed, not return void.

These last couple weeks of my life have been difficult, some actually difficult circumstances, and some moods brought about by my reaction to those circumstances. Now, I don't know if I am indeed, partaking in the fellowship of his sufferings, unless Jesus ever cried over a bad haircut, and I have doubts about that. I have also, for the first time since coming out here, become more wary of my surroundings. There was a hostage situation which led to murder about a month ago, and since then, 130 men in Suly have been arrested. So being an American woman, single has become more a precarious predicament. I walk often in the mornings to a cafe about a mile away, to check email and work on other various things, all by main roads, but even though this has been confirmed by multiple people, even those in uniform to be safe, I feel an uneasiness rising that I don't want to live with. There is also a large political rally that has been going on for over a week that has tensions high and the city crawling with Asaish, the local police. It also has the city crawling with men, whose crowds I brush through on my way to work.

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize fro which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13b-14 That is what I am trying to do. These last couple of days have been better, and although sometimes I feel a bit in a muddle, and very unsure of how to move next, there are still ways to move forward. I have been considering returning to Iraq in half a year or so to work with an NGO (the BuyShoesSaveLives group, though it seems as though a year or more could be a more logical conclusion. However, I do have some second thoughts. I am still holding it as an option to work with my church back in Long Beach, and a good deal of me does long to go back to school. There will need to be a time of regrouping no matter what plays out. Elise was reading about a girl who was an artist and gave all that up to go to China, I don't know if that is what I am supposed to do, or of my love of other things, art, music, dance, can come into play as well? Sometimes I have no idea what I am doing in life, not even an inkling. I don't know if I don't have that particular, singular calling, or if I just haven't listened to it yet or if a part of me is holding out. We'll see. As long as I am open, I feel like choosing to see this as an adventure is alright.

Other than this, I have 34 days left in Suly. Can you believe it? 34. I was not sure how I was going to feel when I left, and I remain unsure. Part of me loves loves loves the people here, the women I have come regard as part of my global family. Others parts of me are going to embrace my ability to walk down the street in a tank top unnoticed. Walking down any street I like...like a dream, haha.

I thank you all for your continued, ten months of prayer, gifts and love. Please continue to pray for me, for a job, and direction for the future. We are having a women's day at the center on Saturday and children's camp starts soon. I pray that you are all doing well, I am off to work on finishing off the 5^th season of LOST (yes, I am still behind the whole world, but am planning on having a Season 6 marathon when I return) and completing some chili. Kwa Hafiz.